We often hear couples saying that they no longer have spark in their relationship. Once the “honeymoon” period is over it becomes boring and stale. Winning someone over takes a lot of effort but keeping someone takes even more. What we need to understand first is what makes the honeymoon period exciting? The happiness of finally being with someone we have been longing for quite sometime, the thrill of getting to know them on a deeper level, the need to spend almost all the time together creates a feeling of euphoria . In this newfound excitement we make extra efforts to make the other person happy by even sacrificing our needs sometimes. Once we get to know each other we become too comfortable and start taking things for granted. This is what makes the relationship boring. Then comes the fights, misunderstandings, dissatisfaction and the relationship doesn’t feel the same. What can we do to maintain the relationship healthy? Here are some basic tips to keep the spark alive :
Realistic Expectations: The romantic movies and novels have raised the bar of expectations too high. We expect our partner to fill every void we have in our lives. We expect them to know what, when and how to do things to make us happy all the time without us having to say anything which is not possible. Also expecting that the things will always remain the same as in the beginning is a bit farfetched. We should have realistic expectations from our partner. He/she is not responsible for our happiness alone , we together make our lives happier. We are the lead in our life and our partner is there to support us. So we should remember only we can make ourselves truly happy from within and when we are happy we are capable of making others happy.
Effective Communication: Communicating our expectations, likes and dislikes helps the other person to understand what we really want instead of having to guess all the time. If we are unhappy about something it’s better to share early on instead of building it up inside. Not blaming the other person and making him/her understand your point of view in a calm and composed way helps to avoid heating arguments. Also avoid mentioning past mistakes while discussing the current issues. Let bygones be bygones.
Be expressive and appreciative: Love can be seen in eyes is just a Bollywood thing. It’s necessary to make your partner feel loved and appreciated. Express your love from time to time in a way you both like. Actions do speak louder than words but in love both actions and words are important to assure your beloved.
Be Real : Sometimes to woo someone we do things which are not in our nature or comfort zone to please the person. This may help to win the person over but once we cannot carry on the facade (which trust me is impossible to do forever) the other person feels cheated as he/she expects us to be the same not knowing that we were just pretending to be someone we are actually not. This can crumble the relationship pretty fast.
Make Time: Taking out time for doing things together, enjoying each other’s company, having conversations is very important for every relationship. In order to maintain the emotional intimacy it’s fundamental to be there for your partner in happy as well as stressful times .
Setting Boundaries: Giving each other space is as important as being with each other. Have a life outside your relationship. Go out with your friends and encourage your partner to do so. Have hobbies and enjoy your life. This will help you to love yourself and not be consumed by the relation.
Respect : Mutual respect should be there in a relationship. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, beliefs and choices. We should respect our partner’s wishes. Both of you are equal and any attempt to dominate or disrespect can hurt your relationship beyond repair.
Understanding: Understanding the other person helps us form a strong emotional bond. When we understand each other it’s easier to communicate effectively, realize what other person is going through, know what can hurt them or what we can do to make amends.
Trust and Loyalty: A healthy relationship cannot exist without these two factors. Trusting and being loyal to your partner is foundation of any relation.
Acceptance: No one is perfect. Accepting your partner with both positives and flaws helps forming unbreakable bond. It lets the other person be who they are and frees them. It also helps us to avoid unnecessary fights on small issues.
Improving each other: While accepting the other person with flaws is good for our relationship, constructive criticism and showing the right path to our partner is our duty. Similarly understanding our mistakes and correcting them is as important. A healthy relationship always improves both person and make them better version of themselves.
Break out of routine: Living with the same routine bores everyone. Take breaks from time to time and take vacations or do something you both enjoy and live the life to the fullest.
Remember why you are together, what you saw in your partner before committing and what efforts on both of your parts were made to begin this relationship. Always reminisce the happy times spent together and forget bad ones after learning lessons from them. Love yourself and your partner a little more . I hope these tips were worth your time. Do let me know anything you would like to add in the comments.
Apoorva Yadav Kamboj
Nice tips :thumbsup_tone1: