We, women, often complaint of the patriarchal world where women are not given equal rights, are suppressed and are not allowed to live as per their own wishes. Which I cannot contradict as it is true to an extent. But are only men responsible for holding women back from achieving anything in the world? Are only men responsible for every struggle in our life, every rule that bounds us or every judgment we face? From whatever I have experienced in my life I have found that most often a woman is suppressed by woman only. It may sound weird but if you stop to think about it even you would agree to it. So how are women responsible for being a hindrance in development of their own gender let us find out:
- Believing in Patriarchy : Woman especially older woman believe in patriarchy too much and they are unable to believe that the times are changing. From an early age they start imparting the traits in their daughters, granddaughters to make them understand the difference between the roles of both the genders thinking that it will help the little girls in their future. They teach them cooking, cleaning and every other chores not as life skills but as their duties which they have to do in order to have successful marriages. They teach them to be gentle, shy, submissive and people pleasing. This lesson that has been passed on from generation to generation plays a major role in upbringing of girls who think that it is only their responsibility to make the marriages work and they have to do everything in their power to please everyone.
- Pampering ‘Sons’ too much : The male child are often pampered too much and their almost all the wishes are fulfilled. It is hard for them to learn that they can be denied something and ‘No’ doesn’t seem to be an acceptable word for them. Moreover they are not taught any of the chores, never given the ‘pep’ talk about importance of being a people pleaser or taught to learn to compromise and meet the half way. They are never told that they also need to work and be involved 100% in every aspect of their relationship. This pampering as a child makes them feel entitled. Even if they do something for their partners they often consider it as ‘’help’’ instead of their duty. Their egos are inflated and they only feel responsible to provide for their family. In order to achieve equality it is important to educate both the genders equally both academically and socially.
- Judging Too Much ; We, women, are often quick to judge other women too soon. ‘Did you see what she was wearing? It’s so revealing’’. ‘She is so old-fashioned; my mother wears better clothes than her’. ‘She has so many male friends, I bet they are not just her ‘’friends’’ , ‘ She seems a lousy mother and lousier wife, she make her husband and son work at home’ and so on, you have got the general idea. Consider any social get-together you will find men busy drinking, talking about their jobs, sports, politics etc. and women gossiping about each other. Now I am not trying to stereotype, nothing is applicable to all. But if you think about it, it is generally true. If we somehow break the pattern and start supporting each other instead of criticizing each other we can not only motivate but also help in removing the fear of judgment which is the most important cause of hindering women development. ‘ What will people think’ should never be a problem anymore. Sometimes we just like to see the next generation suffering the same fate as us just in the name of traditions. We forget the pain we felt when we were at their age and inflict the same wounds on them as inflicted on us. Other times elder women find it hard to accept the new thinking of the younger ones and try to suppress them and mold them as per the rules of the house. We need to accept other woman and their unique way of doing things and appreciate them just as the way they are.
- Lack of Backbone : It is essential to stand up for ourselves and equally important to stand up for women near us. Don’t be fooled by the thinking ‘ Sadiyon se yahi chalta aa raha hai (It’s been going on for ages)’. If it is going on for ages it doesn’t mean that it is correct. It need not go on forever. Take a stand for those who are dependent on you and those who look up to you so that they can live a free and happy life.
- Competitive Nature : Human beings are very competitive in nature. But we women take it a notch higher. We want to be most beautiful, stylish woman who is the best cook, best wife, daughter-in-law, mother and best in everything. We find it hard to see someone else being praised by our loved ones as we are very possessive in nature. Our world revolves around our loved ones and we want to see their world revolving around us and if we find someone else threatening our position we find it difficult to accept. Many times a mother-in –law resents her daughter in law just because she is getting the attention of her son. When someone finds out about the extra marital affair of her husband she blames the other women for breaking her house instead of her husband forgetting that her husband is actually guiltier as he is the one who swore to be by her side forever. Whereas you will find a man blaming the wife more. Similarly in offices we find women targeting other women in every possible way to succeed believing that only one of them can rise and make it a competition to be the best women in the company. They find it easier to target other women instead of joining hands and competing in a healthy way with all team members equally. This needs to end and we need to hold the hands and up-lift each other if we want to see the women rising.
As the saying goes ‘’ Be the woman who fixes another woman’s crown without telling the world that it was crooked’’. Try and correct the wrongs we have been doing to other women both un-intentionally and intentionally and see that the world is not so biased anymore. When women support each other incredible things happen. Let the magic begin.
Apoorva Yadav Kamboj
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