The journey of transforming from ‘’Papa and Mama’s’’ princess to ‘’bahu’’ is not an easy one. From becoming the apple of the eye at their own home and then suddenly going to a new home and taking care of everyone is a task which no education or degree could prepare anyone for. One may be a very capable Manager at their firm and responsible for handling an entire team with people of different caliber and nature and thinking that managing the house will be a similar experience, but you are in for a huge surprise.
The only help which will be useful would be of our Mother or motherly figures in our lives. We would need their advice from time to time during this entire journey. Mothers also try their best to teach us everything they have learnt from their own experience. But there are certain things which all mothers must teach their daughter to help them lead a happy life. And I am not talking about household chores which is a life necessity which both the genders should definitely learn.
- Being Financially Independent: Your daughter may be marrying someone very rich but it is still very important to be financially independent. Financial independence helps a person realize their self-worth and it gives them freedom to take decisions and support their own lifestyle. It helps them build a confidence to handle various situations and teach them very valuable life lessons. Your daughter may want to buy a latest handbag, donate something to charity or help you financially in some urgent situation she will be able to do so freely without any feeling of guilt of spending husband’s hard earned money.
- Compromise is the Key not Sacrifice: The first thing we teach our daughters is that compromise is the key to healthy relationships which is true. But we often confuse the term compromise and sacrifice. Compromise is reaching a middle ground which is acceptable to both the parties and sacrifice is just curbing your own ideals, desires or happiness in order to please someone. We must teach them to remember that compromising is very important but entirely sacrificing yourselves constantly for someone is not healthy for them neither physically nor mentally. You should only compromise what your ideals, believes and heart allows you to do so. Do not sacrifice yourselves while compromising to please others.
- Nothing is above Self- Respect: This is the most important lesson every girl or should I say every person should learn. Nothing and I repeat ‘’ nothing’’ is greater than self-respect. Any relationship which threatens your self-respect is not worth saving. As much as it is important to give respect to every person be it an elder, someone younger or your life partner, it is equally important to maintain your self-respect and to not let anyone trample all over it.
- Keep an Open Mind: It is very important to start the relationships with an open mind. Teach your daughters to avoid judging people and learn to accept them the way they are. Just as it is difficult for them to change their way of living according to others it is also difficult for others to make the change. Also ask them to not fret about others opinions of them. They may not be good looking enough or ‘’sanskaari’’ enough for someone even if they try their level best but as long as they are trying and doing the necessary things they are right and should be at peace with themselves.
- Communicate Effectively: It is very essential to teach your daughters to voice their concerns and opinions. Sometimes it is very easy to get what they want, they just need to talk to people about their concern in a polite and understanding manner. Even if they do not agree with something or any arrangement made it is essential for them to say so openly instead of bottling their feelings and doing things without being happy about them. This will lead to unhappiness and feeling of unfairness and lead to bitter relationships in the future.
- You always have their back: It is very important to let them know that even when they are married and are going to another place which will now be their ‘’home’’, they still are your precious princess and their ‘’mayka’’ would also always be their home. Do not encourage ‘’ ‘’beti to paraya dhan hai ‘’ or ‘’ ab sasural hi tumhara ghar hai ‘’ ideology as they would find it reassuring that you will always have their back.
- Encourage them to love self: We have seen our mothers toiling hard to please everyone and do every little things themselves to help us. We have seen us putting us above themselves. It seems the purpose in their lives is to make our lives easier and we love and appreciate them for it. There is nothing wrong in doing things for our loved ones but it is also essential to take care of oneself both physically and mentally. Do not teach your daughters things like ‘’ pati ke sukh me hi patni ka sukh hai or ‘’ bachchon ki khushi me hi maa ki khushi hai’’, ‘’ sabki seva karna hi aaurat ka farz hai’’. Instead teach them to be happy and when they are happy themselves they can keep their family happy. It is true that it gives us immense pleasure to serve our family and see them smiling but it should not come at the cost of our own health. So teach your daughters to love, respect and serve everyone including themselves. There is nothing wrong in delegating the smaller and easier chores to other family members. It will not only be beneficial for the daughter but it will also teach others to be self-sufficient, give more time to them to spend with the family and strengthen the bonds.
Every mother knows what’s best for their daughters. We may have faced a lot in our lives to the old thinking of the society to restrict their daughter and telling them that they have to adjust at all costs and live in their new house till the end of their lives bearing all the things that affect them physically and mentally. Now these things are not so common and people have started treating their daughters and daughter in-laws better. Still I hope that you do not forget to teach the above things to your beloved daughters.
Apoorva Yadav Kamboj
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