Clever One-Line Jokes to go ROFL- Part-I

Want to laugh without needing to read too much. Just read these funny one-liners :

1. What did one toilet say to the other? You look a bit flushed!
2. I used to think I was indecisive. But now I’m not so sure.
3. Just burned 2,000 calories, that’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
4. I don’t suffer from insanity—I enjoy every minute of it.
5. “Money talks. But all mine ever says is goodbye.”
6. Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation toward the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
7. Why can’t you be friends with a squirrel? They drive everyone nuts.
8. I always tell new hires, don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you.
9. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
10. Maybe if we start telling people their brain is an app, they’ll want to use it.
11. “A computer once beat me at chess. But it was no match for me at kickboxing.”
12. My friend was explaining electricity to me, but I was like, ‘Watt?’
13. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.”
14. The man who invented knock-knock jokes should get a no bell prize.
15. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
16. I saw a sign the other day that said, ‘Watch for children,’ and I thought, ‘That sounds like a fair trade.’
17. I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
18. I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, but then it hit me.
19. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
20. Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician, I mean literally shocked.
21.  A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
22. The doctor told me I had to start walking three miles a day to get fit It’s been two weeks and I don’t know how to get home.
23. We child-proofed our homes, but they are still getting in.
24. Not to brag, but I have sychic powers. For example, right now you’re thinking, “It’s psychic, you idiot.”
25. Guess who just woke up to 19 missed calls and 30 messages from his ex? My ex.

Did you love the one-liners. I will be back soon with few more.

Apoorva Yadav Kamboj.