Even in the most crowded place surrounded by lots of friends, family, colleagues, neighbors, knowns or unknowns we feel utterly alone. We see people smiling, laughing, and enjoying but we still feel completely out of place. We long to be like others, to belong with others, and live life carefree just like we see others doing. It seems we are different, somehow lacking in some way hence we cannot be a part of a big happy group. We try hard to mingle, to seem like we belong while feeling conscious of our words, our every step, even the way we laugh, we eat or we sit. We are so busy in our own heads analyzing ourselves and everything around us that we fail to be present in the moment wholeheartedly. Whenever we are alone we want to be in the company of others but whenever we are with other people we feel anxious and look forward to the comfort zone of our home. We often question ourselves why are we unable to be happy when everybody around us is happy and perfect. Why does everyone we know have so perfect lives when we are struggling to even live each day. Even when we smile it feels so strange, so awkward like this isn’t who we are. When we pretend to laugh with others it seems forced and an unnatural thing to do. Do these thoughts seem familiar? Are you often plagued by these thoughts? What can we do to avoid them, read on to know :
- Remember there is nothing wrong with you: You are perfect the way you are. Everyone says this but it is very difficult to believe. How can we be perfect when we are so negative, so depressed or so awkward. Just believe that ”you” are not negative or depressive instead whatever you are feeling is negative. Your thoughts do not define you. You are so much more than your thoughts. Yes your thoughts affect you, shape you gradually but it is in your hands to avoid these thoughts, to try and be more positive. There are several ways to do these as I have already discussed in mental health articles. Some of them are meditation, listening positive reinforcements, reading books on positivity, keeping gratitude notes etc. It will take time as nothing changes overnight but be consistent and patient, everything will be fine.
- Remember No one truly belongs: We do not belong anywhere. We were not made to belong, we were all made to follow our different paths. We just need to co-exist, we need to accept everyone around us the way they are, we need to love everyone for who they are and that also includes ourselves. Do not keep on comparing yourselves with others, belittling yourselves for your choices. Be confident and own yourself. this confidence will help you to feel in touch with others. We may often think that it is easy for others but we do not know what the other person is going through. Maybe the other person is also feeling out of place just like you but are much better at hiding it. Everyone is different and most of them are feeling the same way that you are. No one feels truly belonged. They just know how to celebrate the differences.
- You too belong : Now this sounds contradictory to everything I said above. When no one truly belongs than how can you belong. I just mean to say here that you too deserve the same happiness and satisfaction that everyone feels in the companionship of others. You too are worthy of every ounce of love coming in your way, you just need to open your heart. Do not look for ones that you feel will be similar to you, will be the lost piece of your heart, will like the same things that you like just learn to embrace the differences and be a part of community. The sense of being with other people gives us security. Do not overthink and meet people and have small talks with them. Remember we all are social beings. You do not need to change yourself and pretend to be like others. Your originality will help you to be a part of the group and if it doesn’t than it is not the right group for not only you but for anyone.
- Remember No one is truly Alone : You are never alone. So many people feel alone all the time. It just means that you are not putting yourself out there. If so many people are alone don’t you think that all these lonely and lovely people are just waiting to meet a person like you. You can connect to anyone out there, it need not be meeting physically as it is not wise to trust just anyone but there are so many social mediums to connect to different people. Technology was meant to bring us all together. Moreover there is always someone within us you can call that presence God or your own soul, but you are always in company of someone. Enjoy your own company for you are an amazing person.
- Your Happiness is in your hands : No one can make us happy forever except ourselves. Whenever we are in a new relationship be it a new friend or a new date we feel over the moon. But after some time when we start burdening the relationship with expectations everything changes. It is wise to remember that our relationships are not meant to fill any void within ourselves. They are just meant to create wonderful memories together, sharing the burdens of each other equally. We cannot expect a person to complete us. The other person is not solely responsible for our happiness. The other person can support us in our tough times, can be there to fight our battles with us but ultimately we are our own heroes. Only we can save ourselves and be content in the truest form. We know ourselves the best and only we can fulfill our every expectation. We need to be in charge of our own lives. Do not give anyone the power to affect your lives. It does not mean that we should not love. Love and be happy in that companionship but do not give love the power to destroy you as love is meant to heal you. Love without expectations as love is love only when it is selfless.
I hope this helps. If you are still feeling a little low, feel free to connect with me on sharing sorrows column.
Apoorva Yadav Kamboj.
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